Real Life Parenting #609

IDK who writes the books on parenting but it’s full of lies!  Okay maybe not lies but definitely half truths; and there seems to be several chapters missing. So let me help them and you.


This is a natural occurrence once your children are of talking age. Why?  Because they are going to embarrass the crap out of you. Even if it’s only you and them present, their tiny elf like superiority will reign over you as you stumble for a comeback/answer.

Example:  Last night I was playing just dance with my littles. Having a GREAT time, it’s one of my favorite games. When the four year old turns around MIDSONG and so thoughtfully asks me “Why is your mouth open?” …WHAT?! I gasp as I am trying not to quit dancing because I intend to win. “Why are you dancing with your mouth open?” Now all the children have turned to look at me. And the asker of the question stands there with her little hands clasped together in front of her like some little leader of the minions. I mean maybe I was breathing hard. I mean I should have been as I was applying a great deal of effort to the activity. Who was she to question my dancing face?!?! So you know what I told her?… “I DON’T KNOW!!!!  JUST DANCE!!!”

Or how bout the time I took my son to the doctor and I bend down to tie his shoe and he says “Mommy show the doctor how you take your ponytail off!” As he so Lovingly rubs my hair.

Or when my daughter told me how much she likes my costume. “Oh thats just my bra and panties” I inform her as I am getting dressed and she says “No.  Those.” And points to my stretch marks…even doing a clawing motion in an attempt to point to each one simultaneously.

How bout instructing them to clean up only to have them assume that this means we are having company.

One day I was hanging out at my bestie’s house with our kiddos, her mom, and her grandma. So her grandma notices that no one is eating their pizza crust so she starts to collect them all. My daughter, of course, asks “Why is she taking everyone’s food?”  I tell her that she is cleaning up the food that no one wants. Do you know what my daughter said next?  I bet you can’t guess.  She looked at my best friend’s grandma and said “I don’t like you” I nearly hit the floor! Of course I scolded her and told her it was rude and wasn’t nice but the grandma was like “what did she say?” I told her nothing but my daughter simply looked at her and repeated it. “I don’t like you”. Just like that. Straight face, dry tone, and frank. Well of course the grandma is taken back. She even tells her that they don’t even know each other so how can she not like her. After my daughter asked her her name I took her out the room. I couldn’t handle it.

I’ve been in the game almost 9 years!!! I’m still patching up wounds on skin that hasn’t thickened yet smh

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